I am here...  Just been really tired and need my rest.  Dialysis is tough but I am making it.. 

God Bless

I'm still here...  Just been really sick.. VERY high fever and vomitting.. I'm trying to get better.. It's been going on for like almost a week now. I hope everyone is well..  I'm not online a lot b/c I'm in bed sleeping..

God Bless

Yea so I met this guy…  We will call him “Bubba”; He is awesome to talk to on the phone. We have a lot of things in common, and it gets better as we talk more and more. I told him about my skin disorder and me having to get Dialysis and all.. He said he is fine with it. But, inside of me I don’t feel he is fine with it.  All, guys would/want a “perfect” looking girls.  He is so sweet though. I don’t know what to think of this. He is so understanding and respects me and what I need to do and all. I had to talk about it and let my feelings outs. I truly like him and when I like a guy it all fucks up. I don’t know I am confused.. He is coming up down here next week…

I went to dialysis yesterday. It went well. Very um how should I out it scary?  I bring my game-boy and my headset radio.  They also have a TV there so I can watch Ellen!!!  YAY I just wish the pain would go away!  It’s going away slowly! But not fast enough for me. 

God Bless

Hey all, I am sorry I have not been on..  I had a real bad time. I was told that I almost died. Here is what happen…  I went to take a nap on Thursday 3/4 and my Grammy came in my room and laid next to me and she told me she looked at me and all of a sudden I started shaken I had a seizer. She called 911 they took me to the ER and did all these kinds of tests and they gave me a dialysis port and a iv in my groan they put this clear shit on the iv and it took my skin off my ground. So, any who. I don’t remember any of this. I remember Sunday and on but that its. It is scary. It’s been pure hell for me. 

But, this also showed me who really truly loves me and cares for me. And I have so many people that do. I am a lucky girl to have a Grammy that knows what to do and stayed right there with me.  I am so thankful for the people that love me. I don’t care if I have a man. I just don’t care. All I care about is how many people love me and care for me.  But any who what happen was my kidneys failed. So I am on Dialysis now. It’s Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday at 2:30.  It’s tough, it makes me tired, gives me headaches, and upset stomach. It’s not easy.

God Bless

Well, where do I start? I met this guy Scott back in High school. We have been friends for 8 yrs. But it was like he went to through this stag where he was into drugs and shit. He was going with the wrong girls. They where jealous of me too because we where best friends.. I liked Scott ever since H/S!  But, he would always say I love you as a sister yada yada so I let it go.. Grammy picked him up Thursday and he stayed with me until Today! We had a ball! We watched a lot of DVDs!! Then went to my aunts yesterday..  My cousin Carely asked Scott if he was my boyfriend and he said YES!!! I was like wha! So, he whispers in my ear follow along with me, I was like oh lord what is he going to do. He dipped a chip in dip and fed it to me, I laughed so I didn’t eat it. LOL Then he wanted me to go outside so he could smoke a cig and he’s like so now when you come over Carly will say you had a hot boyfriend. LOL . So yea, He was also more affecantate with me. He opened the door for me and everything! UGH! I hate this lol.  I like him AGAIN! It’s like I can never freakin win. I tell myself “You can’t like him”, But, I do anyway!  Then there this guys Tom that won’t leave me alone. And this guy Mike. I am not into them. I want Scott LOL. It’s like God can’t you just send me someone that will fit into place. LOL

Nothing else is going on. I am soooooooo tired though. We leave for G-ville for tomorrow. We will be back Tuesday sometime. Scott said he’s going to cal me Wednesday, we will see about that!. LOL. He such a sweet guy! Hehehe. I’m glad we are talking and hanging out again! Woohoo.. I need him right now even if we don’t become boyfriend and girlfriend.

God Bless

Finally got an answer from my kidney doctor today. He said I can start to get myself off the steroids! But, the bad thing is they arnt helping anymore. My kidney function is down to 15% again. So, I am scared. We will be seeing him tomorrow, to talk about another biopsy or dialysis.. My back has been hurting for a day or so… I hate this crap..  But, I am happy I am getting off the steroids!

I have a crush on this one dude.. His name is Rich. He’s 25. He’s so cute. But I am not telling him this lmao.  I think he’s got a crush on me but not sure.. I really am not worried though. I just don’t have anything else to talk about lmao.

Not feeling as depressed as I have been. I guess I hide my feelings well now. I had a lot of practice. It just seems I can’t feel anymore. I mean like I want to cry but nothing is there, or I want to like a dude but I just can’t bring myself to want to like him.. It’s weird. I love to look at guys because I’m single, but when it comes down to really wanting to be in a relationship I just can’t do it.

God Bless

Nothing is going on! LOL. It’s boring for the time being. Next week I have tons of doctor appointments! AH I hate them. But I have to go see the drs. I will be talking with the Transplant Doctor on Monday.  That’s going to be no fin for me. The kidney subject is still VERY touchy for me. It’s scary. The doctor says he can’t recover ANY of my function. So, sooner or later I will be put on Dialysis. 

My mind has been blank for some time now. I don’t think much as I use too. I suppose this is good. Lately I have been feeling numb. Like There is something around my heart and won’t let anyone in/near it. A well..  No biggy, I kind of like the feeling because then you don’t show your feelings…  I know that’s bad too.  I see Cynthia next month sometime. That’s my counselor..

I so love to watch Ellen Degnoruoius,. She is so freakin funny! One of these days I will b eon her dang show darn it! She had Usher on last Monday omg I was so happy! LOL. He’s hot! Yummy.. LOL. But, any who

God Bless

I don't know what it is about guys with blue eyes! It just is like wow!

I just got done watching the dang note book! I cried my eyes out. Now I can barely see because my eyes are swelling. What a great love story! Only if could happen in real like. My poor friend Tim, he called me right as I stopped crying then I started to cry again on the damn phone!!!  So he’s like I gotta go but I will leave my phone on so if you need me any time of the night cal me girl I said ok I will. But, I’m not going to call him because he’s tired and has to get up early.  But other then that I am ok.  I am not sure about Scott. I feel that he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore and I don’t know why. I don’t think I did anything to make him not?  I don’t know. I just don’t feel that ANYONE wants to be there for me. Only when they need/want something. And that are no friends.

God Bless

I missed my best friend Scott. So, I decided to call him and he seems the same. He was with this girl that was into drugs and all, but now they are no longer together.  I use to have a HUG crush on him. OMG.LOL. We met in H/s. He was so sweet and still is!  He’s going to call me Friday and see what’s up and we might go to the mall or something! I can’t wait to see him! Hehehee… I’m glad I called him. I was scared at first. But he seems to be settled and not into drugs any more thank god!.

Had a doctors appointment today and we where there for 2 hours! I was getting mad! Finally he came in and my hand looks good!  I have been seeing him ever since I was about 9 years old. I am like a part of his family. 

Nothing really is going on.  I am getting done my web page though! It’s going good. I can’t wait till it’s done.  I made almost all the graphics on it. I am proud.

God Bless.

Hey all, Not a whole lot going on. Just chillin and watching tv! LOL. I’m not sure if I told you this but my Grammy bought me “The Note book”! I am going to watch that tonight. Grammy also got “ray”. So, I have a few movies to watch. Hehe..

I might have to see a breathing doctor. Because ever since my kidneys started to act up I have trouble breathing. So, I might have to add another damn dr to my list! AH!! I just wanna scream!

I am or did make a new lay out for my web page.

God Bless

I’m feeling like crap. I am so emotanally messed up I can’t even think straight! I have been so irritated and crying like almost every damn day I can’t stand it. And for no damn reason either! I feel that nobody missed me while I was away and I’m bothering them and they don’t want thing to do with me and all that stuff.

Other than that the trip was awesome. I hung out with my friend Dona all day Friday.  Then went to Epcot with Grams and dad. Had fun. Then went to the firework show then downtown Disney! It was awsome!!! I want to go to a club down there. Not only did I shop, but was looking at all the fine guys lmao!!!!!!

God Bless

Hey y’all, I am in a dancing mood! AHHHH LOL. I don’t think I could get up and dance in front of anyone though.. lmao  :::Looks around::: nobody is here hehehe.  I just love music period! Hehe

I feel so loved! People are actually commenting on my blog! Wow! LOL I don’t have that much to say today. But other that THANKS To Erin!!!!!!!!!! I found a background I love and will be using!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!! 

Other than being overly excited about going to Disney!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait! So many pictures!!!!!!!! LOL.

God Bless

Well, here I am writing about my life again. Not much is really going on. Just waiting on my kidneys to either go or keep stable. We will find out some-time this week if I can either stop the steroids or if I can be on them for a little longer to pre-long my kidney function. I am not doing to bad on them. Just a little puffiness in my face but that’s about it. I guess over all I feel OK.

I am so excited! This coming Thursday we (Grammy, Dad, and Me and sis will be going to Disney! It’s an EB outing. We have it every 2 years. I can’t wait to see all my friends. I will be taking A LOT of pictures! WOOHOO. We will be gone for three days. Hehehe. I feel like a kid again lmao… I so love Winnie the pooh!!!!!!

Also, I am proud at myself. I finally got the ballz to play with html and it really isn’t that hard at all. It’s quite FUN! So, I will be working on my site and when I get it done I will post it. It will be a while though. I need to learn how to make frames and code them… 

I’m not dating anyone. I do have a crush though. Hehe. He’s funny and makes me smile a lot. LOL. But, I am not looking. I don’t really feel like bothering with it anymore. I want Vin Diesel!!!!!!  =) 

There you go livlif23 hehe

God Bless

Just want to let you all know I'm not dead. I'm just not writting mucuh anymore.

God Bless

Doctor office called today and said that it looks like I will be getting Dialysis soon. My kidney function is 12%. Kidney failure is 10%. So, we are waiting for the Cindy the doctor’s nurse to call us back. I will be getting the Hem dialysis. 

My sister came over tonight. She will be staying the whole week with us. Wow what a change in her. NOT! She has no idea what I am going through. NO IDEA! I am every damn emotion you can think of right now. I am just keeping you all up to date. Who ever reads me anymore.

God Bless

Hey all,

I am hanging in there I guess. It seems to get harder everyday that passes me by. I am weak, tired, headaches, dizziness, seeing things. Just not me anymore. It seems like somebody took over me. Does this happen with Kidney failure???  I mean I don’t even care what I look like when I go anywhere anymore. I just hope this gets betters not worse. I need something that is GOOD too happen to me!!!! I am so tired of the bad!

I feel that my days are coming to an end. I don’t want to think about it. I mean some days I just don’t want to get out of bed because it’s too much for me now. I don’t understand what this life is for anymore. To me it’s hell.

God Bless

Well, We are back now. It was a long and tiring trip for me. I hope we don’t have that many doctor appointments again.  We are so tired!

The hand dr. said it’s king good but we have to watch for cancer still. So yea. But they got all of it out. So that’s good.  We saw Dr. Wesson My derm on Wesnday and he was not happy with my skin. He said that I need to keep the stress level down. Hahah Funny. How in the hell can I do that?

The kidney dr. said I can get a stomach dialysis and do it at home once we learn how to do that. It still makes me feel shitty.  I am at the point where I just don’t care if I live or die now. I will have so much to do if my kidneys go to 15%. They are almost there.

God Bless

Well, my kidney doctor’s office just called and said my kidney function is worse. I am so scared at this point I don’t know what to do or think. I prey every time I feel bad or upset. I can handle little things like the cancer I had on my right hand. It’s getting better. But kidney failure? Is it time for me to go? Or is god testing me again. I go to Shands next week. If I don’t post buy the weekend that means I am in the hospital. I will have my friend Manders update for me. There is so much I want to do and experience. I just need prayer big time…..

My kidney function is 26% and the doc said it is worse. So, it might be looking like I will be getting a kidney transplant soon. I am on a low sodium and all that. But, it looks like it’s note helping. You can’t imagine how scared I am right now. I am in tears because I am just at a loss of everything.

God bless

It’s just another day to me. Nothing special anymore. I just hope this New Year brings me better health..

I am sorry I have not posted in forever. I have been sick. My blood is very low again and having kidney trouble again. My function is down more. The dr said I should just get the transplant because I would not survive long on the dialysis.. Even if I get the transplant it will be bad also. Here’s a link to a kidney transplant.

I haven’t been myself. I cried yesterday like a big baby. I haven’t cried in so long. It just hurts me so bad. I am confused about everything and why I have to be put in this situation. I just want to go on with my life as I planned before any of this happened. No body knows how I am feeling right now. Only one person and they are no longer here. When a dr tells you might not live through both it just makes me want to give up and make it easier.

I go to Shands some time next week to see MORE doctors and get more testing done for my kidneys. I need a lot of prayers right now..

God Bless

Mood: Sick

Movie/TV: none

Not feeling to hot. Started last night. I was so freaking cold. That is not like me I love the cold. So I curled up on the couch with my pooh blanket and slept. Grams took my temp and it was 100.2. That is high fever for me. So, she went to wal-mart got some Tylenol and I went to bed. This was around 9! Didn’t get on-line or anything. This is not like me. I am doing nothing but sleep. I hate it. Because I have thinks I would love to do.  I have a skin infection so I got and antibiotics today. I am hoping it will help me feel better.

I had a good x-mas. I got DVDs, sweater, bigger jewelry box, money, gift card, games for my game boy!. Hehehe. My sister never showed up like she said. She is becoming like her old self. I hate it. She is such a bad sister. She is “coming” down on Wednesday and to be honest I don’t want to see her. She needs to get help. She needs to go to a philologist. That’s about it all..

I need some prayers for me to get better please..

God Bless

Mood: Content

Music/TV Tim McGraw CD

Well, she didn’t it again. My sister said she would be here early so we could open her gifts and so she could open ours we got her. We have to leave at 4 at my aunts. So, my sisters Boyfriend called and asked if she was here, he told us that she left last night and was with her druggy friend. But she hasn’t called or anything. I don’t understand how people can be so inconsiderate of others. It really bugs me when people do that!!!!!!

I am so excited about going over my aunts! She makes the best food ever! She also gets really awesome gifts hehe. I love my aunt. Her kids are good too. They are just like her caring and loving toward everyone.

OMG Guess what all. I got to change my hand dressing. It looks good. The old bandage was soooo dirty. I’m glad I have a clean one on now. Woohoo. I feel pretty good today! My hand is a little sore but that is ok. I have pain meds for it… Though I don’t like taking them….

MERRY CHRISTMAS

God Bless

i just want to let you all know im fine. they had to dig all the way to my tedens in my hand.. they also said i might not get my full mobility back in my fingers. we'll see.. i hope thats not case though.

THANK YOU ALL FOR MY LOVINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD BLESS

I am leaving in a few minutes. I will be in surgery on Tuesday morning. I am not sure when I will be coming home nor on-line. When I feel up to it I will up-date you allon what went on and how it went. When I check my blog though I want lovins in my comments!!!!!!!!!!!!  ; :D 

God Bless