Mood: Sick

Movie/TV: none

Not feeling to hot. Started last night. I was so freaking cold. That is not like me I love the cold. So I curled up on the couch with my pooh blanket and slept. Grams took my temp and it was 100.2. That is high fever for me. So, she went to wal-mart got some Tylenol and I went to bed. This was around 9! Didn’t get on-line or anything. This is not like me. I am doing nothing but sleep. I hate it. Because I have thinks I would love to do.  I have a skin infection so I got and antibiotics today. I am hoping it will help me feel better.

I had a good x-mas. I got DVDs, sweater, bigger jewelry box, money, gift card, games for my game boy!. Hehehe. My sister never showed up like she said. She is becoming like her old self. I hate it. She is such a bad sister. She is “coming” down on Wednesday and to be honest I don’t want to see her. She needs to get help. She needs to go to a philologist. That’s about it all..

I need some prayers for me to get better please..

God Bless

Mood: Content

Music/TV Tim McGraw CD

Well, she didn’t it again. My sister said she would be here early so we could open her gifts and so she could open ours we got her. We have to leave at 4 at my aunts. So, my sisters Boyfriend called and asked if she was here, he told us that she left last night and was with her druggy friend. But she hasn’t called or anything. I don’t understand how people can be so inconsiderate of others. It really bugs me when people do that!!!!!!

I am so excited about going over my aunts! She makes the best food ever! She also gets really awesome gifts hehe. I love my aunt. Her kids are good too. They are just like her caring and loving toward everyone.

OMG Guess what all. I got to change my hand dressing. It looks good. The old bandage was soooo dirty. I’m glad I have a clean one on now. Woohoo. I feel pretty good today! My hand is a little sore but that is ok. I have pain meds for it… Though I don’t like taking them….

MERRY CHRISTMAS

God Bless

i just want to let you all know im fine. they had to dig all the way to my tedens in my hand.. they also said i might not get my full mobility back in my fingers. we'll see.. i hope thats not case though.

THANK YOU ALL FOR MY LOVINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD BLESS

I am leaving in a few minutes. I will be in surgery on Tuesday morning. I am not sure when I will be coming home nor on-line. When I feel up to it I will up-date you allon what went on and how it went. When I check my blog though I want lovins in my comments!!!!!!!!!!!!  ; :D 

God Bless

I am building a web page with free webs and I want to know how I go about puting html thins on the site? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Bless

Mood: Happyyyy

Music/TV: Shawna on the phone

On a brighter note MARC I GOT SUPER MARIO 3 TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SO LOVE THAT GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOOO

I was so out of it yesterday. I went to sleep. I didn’t get up until my Grammy came home. That was around 3 ish. So, I eat dinner, got on line then watched CSI baby! I so love that show! But anywayz.. I can tell I’m not myself. My skin looks soooooo horrible. I never ever had seen it this bad. I am just going insane. It runs through my head “am I going to make it”.

I am also so scared of this cancer that is on my hand. All I can think about is “am I going to loss my arm? Or something else. And I say to myself no I will not loss it. I am trying to stay positive, but when you are scared and have seen it happen to others with your same condition then you’re like omg!!!!!! So these are my thoughts. Right now I just want to die. Because then I won’t have to deal with this and be unhappy in my life anymore. L

And there is this guy that has a disorder too and he’s cute. But omg I am just going to tell his sorry ass off. Because when he has a g/f they dump him, ‘so he says” I don’t really believe him. But He ims me on yahoo and cries and says yada yada you know. I’m like dude I have enough to worry about. I have much more bigger things to worry than to worry about your crying ass. I hate people like that. GRRRRRRRRRRRR

God Bless

Mood: Tired

Music/TV: None

I get told that I am inspiration to everyone.. I get told this a lot lately. Maybe because I am going through a rough time? I don’t feel like I am an inspiration. I am just trying to get by life the best way I can. I just don’t know anymore..

I got this aim from a guy like a week ago and he said to me” you’re an ugly girl. And signed off of aol aim. Well, that didn’t bother me. I just ignored it. By why do people have to be so damn mean? I just don’t get people. AT ALL.

Guys.. Is another story. I don’t get them one bit. They confuse me every time I talk to one. Doesn’t matter who or where. I don’t want a boyfriend or a fuck buddy. I just want to stay away from men! They all act like little boys most of the time.

God Bless

Mood: Happy

Music/TV: nothing

Edited at 6:19 pm

OK to start off I called my ex a few nights ago, and I can’t even remember why I did. It was a mistake though. So, I didn’t think he would call/im me back. Well, he imed me just a few minutes ago. I am over him. I am I swear. We where done a long time ago. Because of what I did. It was my fault. At least I know it was my fault. Well, He can’t even be a damn man and talk it through with me. Instead he has to put me down and says shit like I have no more respect for you and such. Ok well I am sorry. So this is what he had to say. It pisses me off because I would like to be friends with him but no he has to have the grudge on me. Let me clear something up. When I met Derek Chris and I where OVER! He had a girlfriend also. So, I said to him that I like this guy but not sure on if I should go with him or not. I was confused and hurt by my own actions. But Doug is the guy I was supposedly “slept” with while with Chris. First off I don’t cheat even if I like two guys at once. Second who ever told him I FUCKED Doug needs to know the whole story before opening there big fucken months. Sorry, this pisses me off so fucken much. I don’t even have a grudge. How many times do I have to say sorry? I am done saying sorry. Not for Derek, I didn’t know him until like a few mouths after chris and I broke upThen he blocked me.  If he “loved me and shit he would hear me out. But whatever. I’m over it I have been over it for along time now. What I don’t get is what the hell he meant by um me going out with Derek? Lmao. Chris told me he had a girlfriend. So, um yea. WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! Just had to get that off my chest all.

Not much is going on. I wrapped most of my x-mas gifts! And wrapped some for my Grammy. See how sweet I am? Hehe. I love CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!! I always have. I so want to see snow one year around x-mas time though. Make a snow angel hehe.

I am pretty miserable with my skin and my hand. I am allergic to something and we don’t know what the hell it is. But omg it’s making my skin bad. It’s tearing much easier and everything. That scares meL I want to scream dang it!!!!!!!

Bailey said something in my comments. I USE to get attached to people to fast and everything. But not anymore. I learned how to control that and how that affects me. I have changed majorley. Not for the bad for good. I am more into what I need and not what others need form me. They come second.

God Bless

Mood: Nothing

Music/TV: nothing

I am just so use to be abandoned  Left in the cold. Not knowing why that person left me there all alone. I feel like this tonight. Because Derek is gone. I am so use to it when someone leaves me it doesn’t bother me. Until I start missing them. I just don’t understand. Am I to much of a softy? Do I care to much for people? Just act like I don’t care for anyone? I just don’t know anymore. “sigh”

God bless

Mood: Ichy

Music/TV: None

OMG I am so ichy. I have no idea why. I am breaking out in like hives or something. My Grammy started me on Fish oil and I think that may have been it. I hope it goes away before next weekend!!!!!!! I just hate ichying though. It’s bad enough EB makes me ich!

OK I thought that this was Derek. So I imed him and asked if it was him. It was his mother. First off I don’t like his mother. Second she has no right telling me off because I didn’t do a damn think to her. This is what she said to me. By the way the last I talked to Derek we where still together and we where fine!.

sillyme2323: derek?

Dereks mom : no this is his mother i am shutting all his stuff down so i can send it to him

sillyme2323: oh ok

sillyme2323: I miss him mom

sillyme2323:

Dereks mom: so do i

sillyme2323: do you have an adress of where he is?

Dereks mom: no i am waiting for him to send me a letter and that will be a while knowing him

sillyme2323: yea

sillyme2323: I hope he sends me one

sillyme2323: is there anyway u can send it to me when you get it?

Dereks mom: i can try

sillyme2323: ok

sillyme2323: what do you need? my #?

Dereks mom : only if he wants you to have it though

sillyme2323: my address?

sillyme2323: It sme

sillyme2323: Jennifer

sillyme2323: His girlfriend!

Dereks mom : i have your address

sillyme2323: k

Dereks mom : i know who you are but i dont want my son being sent a millon letters

a week Dereks mom : he has a job to do

sillyme2323:

sillyme2323: Im not like that

Dereks mom : i was surprised he continued taking your calls you called him just about 247 i got agrevated by the constent ringing

sillyme2323: when he was gone?

Dereks mom : yes and when he was here

sillyme2323: Um no

Dereks mom : yes you called him just about everyday at least a couple times a day

Dereks mom : matter of fact i am not giving you his address and i am taking you off of his list Dereks mom has signed out. (12/3/2004 9:15 PM)

sillyme2323: Im not going to argue with you I don't know you. I last talked to derek he said we where together. If he didn't want to be with me then he would have told me this. I am sure.   

What the hell did I do to deserve her being that mean to me? Nothing not a damn thing in this world. If her son wants to be with me then so be it. If he doesn’t then he would have told me. I did nothing wrong. I am in tears. Because that hurt me. I am a sensitive person and if I new I didn’t do anything wrong yes I am going to be hurt, pissed and shit. GRRRRRRR

God Bless

Mood: Giggly

Music/TV: Laughs

Derek says we are together. But are we really? We can’t talk on the phone, we can’t write nor talk on-line. So does that make us a “couple” I am not sure. I don’t think so. I need him here, want to seem talk to him and so on. So, I am talking to this one guy that imed me on yahoo out of no where. We started talking and all. He’s 29 and lives near me. I am not going to rush into anything. Just talking for now, it might not turn into anything. Because all guys like to do is use women for sex… I will keep you all updated. Not sure though… Really not worried about it either lamo.

Edited at 10:58 pm

I just got done watching “with out a trace. Such a good show! I cried. One of my grammys friends got me hooked on it!!!!! I also love CSI!!! I am a um tv freak. woohoo

But for the most part. My hand is still hurting like crazy. I am trying to ignore it but it’s not working. I just can’t wait until the 14^th so they can just take it off and I don’t have to be in pain 24 7!!!!! It’s driving me nuts! All I seem to do is sleep. I know it’s because of my hand!

God Bless